The Versions of Me I Almost Became

A reflection on identity, longing, and self-acceptance

Have you ever wondered who you might have become—if things had gone just a little differently?

Sometimes my clients talk about their “almost selves”:

The version who never left the job.

The one who got into that dream program.

The one who walked away sooner.

The one who stayed.

These imagined lives aren’t just fantasies. They can reveal our grief, our values, and our longing to feel like we matter.

Lately, I’ve been reflecting on mine.

Here’s what came through.

The Overachiever

She gave up everything for the top score.

She saw only an ocean of lava from her castle in the sky.

She loved the life of the intellect—and suffered nothing less.

She bet it all on prestige, top schools, high expectations.

She rarely sank into her own body.

She was brilliant and deeply tired.

She was never quite enough for herself.

She is still never quite enough for herself.

The Escapist

She fled to the woods with a lover.

She wrote poetry, spoke with trees, lived without luxury.

She missed her twin.

She saw her mother and felt like a disappointment.

She envied her siblings’ certainty, their success.

She might be happy. We don’t know.

Loneliness seared her peace.

And Then, There’s Me

I’m here now.

At my desk, in my office. Trees outside.

This home protects me.

I am in process. Maybe progress.

There’s more to say about wholeness—my own.

But for now, I’ll leave it to silence.

Or another time.

Why We Imagine Alternate Selves

These imagined versions of us aren’t distractions—they’re important.

They show us what matters: safety, success, connection, meaning.

They also reveal what we’ve survived. What we still yearn for.

In therapy, we can explore these “alternate lives” not to dwell in regret,

but to gently meet the parts of us still searching for belonging,

still asking:

Who would I be, if I believed I was already enough?

If this speaks to you…

You might be someone who carries quiet grief about who you were supposed to be.

Someone caught between expectation and desire.

Someone trying to soften their self-criticism and find a life that feels real and whole.

I work with people like you.

If you’d like to explore your inner world in a safe, compassionate space, you can learn more about working with me or reach out for a free consultation.

Warmly,

Asya Rachitsky, AMFT

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